Tiny agents of mayhem

Ah spring!  Wet, muddy and dismal, yet still, it makes a young
supervillain’s fancy turn to thoughts of love.

Recently, I woke up in a mysterious bathroom and as I was bravely waving my arms and running away, I noticed that I was with none other than that delightful maiden Fantabulous Gal.  And… I took fate in both hands and one foot (I have very useful toes!) and kissed her! And then… nothing. Even now, I’m not sure if that was that reality, or some kind of weird dream.  It’s getting harder and harder to tell!  Confused-face!

Ever since then, I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.  But she
won’t take my calls!  Or spam email with viruses that make her computer order flowers for her using her banking information!  I guess I can’t blame her too much.  Now that she’s an entrepreneurial young businessperson, she must be too busy
for silly things like romance.  And promises of pictures of David hasselhoff naked.

So, I devised an ingeniously evil way to get her attention.  This
isn’t just a passing fancy.  I really like her!  And what better way
to show it, not with flowers or chocolates, but with crime! What’s not
sexy about crime?

What did I do?  I’m glad you asked!  I went to every pet store in
Toronto and stole every single puppy.  There must have been hundreds!
I had big baskets full of them.  And on the puppies I painted the out
the words – FANTABULOUS GAL, WILL YOU BE MINE? FROM EVIL TROJAN
BORSCHT! LOVEY-DOVEY FACE!  One letter on every puppy, spelled out
three times for good measure.

And then I let them loose on Yonge Street in downtown Toronto.  Oh the
havoc they caused!  There were at least five car crashes and several
pedestrian injuries (although no puppies were hurt, as far as I can
tell).  What glorious chaos!

This was my tribute to her.  Now I just have to wait for it to hit the
news.  Once she learns of the depths of my feelings for her, as well
as my evil insanity, surely she’ll fall into my arms!
Anticipation-face!