My evil lair seems so empty without Barry here. All the equipment I used to keep my buddy ready to launch, meaningless now. Saddy-face.

It doesn’t help matters that my efforts to find a 2.0 version of Barry are being stalled by all these so-called laws and regulations about who, or how, or why someone can acquire nuclear weapons. Stupid arms-control treaties and intelligence community focus groups ensuring that access to nuclear weapons is highly prohibited. I mean, I’ve only ever launched one! That’s not even the worst track record regarding nuclear weapons, but I’m not allowed to have them!? How does that make sense?

If only Pearson had let the Americans keep nukes up here during the Cold War, I wouldn’t be having this problem! (Wikipedia FTW!)

Darn you, Lester B. Peacenik!

All those various bureaucracies must be a big drain on the taxpayer. Maybe someone needs to reduce the size of government and get rid of all these safeguards. That would reduce taxes and, most importantly, help make my lair feel a lot less lonely. Everybody wins! Well, except for poor people. But no one expects them to be happy in the first place.

If I can’t buy or steal a new best friend from a country, maybe another supervillain will give me one. Say, I wonder if Captain Strangelove is back in town yet…