Bonjour, my friends. I am Les Gros Chapeau, oui, c’est le Chapeau Gros, villain extraordinare est master planner du evil.

Did you le miss moi?

Oui, my friends, I have been gone for a long time, but have heard your desperate pleas from le surface for news of me, Monsieur SUCKER has graciously allowed me to communicate avec vous with les camera du les webs inter. Oui! Plus, le ninjas were able to get working le wifi spot du hot.

So yes, I am leading the full might of le armie robot evil to Leopardia, and whatever resistance remains within the country of kittens will be swiftly and mercilessly crushed under their iron heals. Truly, c’est un day superb for les forces du evil. How better than to demonstrate our might than to destroy the nation of a bunch of cute and helpless animals? Non, there is no better way.

As le tunnelling machine evil continues to slowly make its way through le terre, I have had time to prepare and refine my plan battle. Oui. You see, I have taken the opportunity to study the plans and efforts of beaucoup du French military geniuses, in order to form a foolproof plan against Leopardia. For you see, Monsieur SUCKER, he does not appreciate failure, and I want to prove to him that je suis tres better than le fat idiot Evil Trojan Borscht, or le upper-class douche le Hanging Chad.

“So, le tres awesome Le Gros Chapeau,” you might be asking, “What French military geniuses did you investigate in order to form son plan excellente? Did you read about Napoleon and his campaigns in Austria, or Charles du Gaulle and his resistance movement, or perhaps Charles Martel and his walls du shield?”

Non! Indeed, I have examined the lives and campaigns of even better and less cliché French military geniuses. Perhaps, not all are geniuses, but they are interesting, and the lessons they gave are far more subtle than les anglos can understand. Pffft!

Men like Andre Maginot, who decided the best way to fight les Germans was to construct le Line Maginot, une series du great defenses sur le border du France et Germany! The Line was in fact, so successful, that the Nazis, they were too scared to attack it directly! Oui! They had to invade La France by going through Belguim, so frightened they were of the Line and its defenses!

Or Louis-Joseph de Montcalm, defender of New France. Yes, he lost le Battle du la Plains of Abraham, et oui, he hated Canada and despised the men under his command, but they were all le foolish! Oui! He would have done much better had he not been constantly betrayed by the blumbling of his underlings! That is why I have updated the drivers on les evil robots, and disabled the Trois Strooges sub-routines! I should not suffer any defeats as a result of incompetent robots!

So, oui, I am well prepared to conquer Leopardia and lay waste to it. Indeed, I cannot wait to get down there and prove my prowess! Would this be an appropriate time por un laugh evil?

I think so too! Le Laugh D’Evil! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!