Bonjour c’est mois, LE Gros Chapeau! It is I, Le Chapeau Gros! With une nother post du blog for you to read and know my thoughts evil!

Mes amis, it seems that my box du mail has been overflowing with mail. Normalement, je suis very excited when I receive le mail. Je veux dire, I feel so…importante. In fact, I remember, la first lettre que je ever received. Tout mes amis had told me about how great it was de recevoir un invitation to un birthday party ou un autre package. Alors, you can understand how ecstatique I was when I got my first ever letter: Un bill de credit card overdue, de Scotiabank. I have since framed la lettre, and je le regard tres proudly.  Since that glorious jour, j’ai toujours un fondness for mail. Mais…cette fois, I count myself un peu…disappointed.

I am receiving beaucoup de mail from le Don Jail, and I must confess je suis rather puzzled by it all. Tous les senders pensent, they think, que je suis un big God, or something! I don’t understand pas! It’s not like they pensent que j’ai several god-like qualities, non. That is it not. They pensent that I am un God for le real! Like Celine Dion, or Bobby Flay! Obviousment, they have heard of my appointment at le CRTC! You should read what ces people are writing! Ecoutez:

“Glorious Fat Hat. We welcome your transformation with the firm belief that you will use your newfound hat to shelter us from the harsh rays of UV sunlight and other such heathens that threaten to burn our hatless scalps. We prostrate ourselves before you, oh Chapeau’d one. May your Chapeau grow ever more Gros” – Minion 1655731 (Tom)

Quoi? Am I right? Nonsense, non? By les “other such heathens”, I assume they mean les people qui play too much American content. CNN, oui? I understand their feelings, mais, je find it rather extreme. Il y a des autres, where there is no writing, but they have simply sent moi un bottle du Juice Guava. Juice Guava? Je deteste Juice Guava! C’est trop pulpy and thick, et je feel tres bloated after I drink it. Ces minions don’t know me at all. Pas du tout.

I have decided to draft my own letter, et, I have addressed it to les inmates du Don Jail, explaining la situation. It reads like this:

“Bonjour, mes mignons,

I have received tes lettres, and I would like to thankez vous, for your support and adoration. Believe-moi, nothing makes me happier knowing that you flagellate yourselves in le morning to earn my favour. I must admit, je did not know that les employees du CRTC were held in such high regard dans le Don Jail, mais je suis happy to hear that even the country’s  underworld criminale has respect for the requirement for content Canadien.

Je suis flattered, and I promise to be un forceful voice at the table. I understand that many of vous would like plus de large hats in our programming. This I shall take seriously, for I would like it known that I, le Gros Chapeau, moi, Le Chapeau Gros, takes our listeners tres seriously. Mais, while we at le CRTC may be lords of les airwaves, we do not ask for such fanatical devotion. Un lettre that expresses your appreciation is enough. Et, for le reference futur, je prefer les Appletinis.  Merci for your support.

Bon nuit, et bonne chance,

Le Gros Chapeau”

Qu’en pensez vous? Good, non? Et mon sign0ff? “bon nuit et bonne chance”? I thought of it. Tres original. Hopefully this will halt all this unwanted mail. Je veux dire, I  mean, I’m running out of frames to mount all this mail.